Never give up. When your heart becomes tired, just walk with your legs - but move on.
– Paulo Coelho
Let me share a little of a very personal experience that I consider as one of the major turning points in my life. Heart issues and more…
For many years, I’ve kept my heart guarded. I tried to open it up once and I had my first share of heartbreak. No, he was not my first boyfriend but I consider him my first love. It took me years before I was able to say I’m all ok. The difficulty was due to the fact that we started out as good friends, for a time we consider each other as bestfriends. It was hard so I decided to take on the defensive side, not entertaining anyone until the time I know that I am actually and really ready.
Just last year, I started living alone. I went to Manila to start my climb in the corporate ladder. Though it was not my first time away from home, it was different. I don’t have the company of my dependable friends, I cannot just go home anytime I want, simply said…I’m bracing myself for a bitter taste of life (that was how the pessimistic me would describe it that time). To beat loneliness I rummage through my phonebook, search FB and asked friends for contacts and exact location of friends who I might get in touch and meet regularly. Being a fan of FRIENDS, How I met your mother and Sex & the City, I wanted to have my own circle of friends as I try to survive the concrete jungle of Makati. Thank God he blessed me with amazing friends but since my house is normally an hour trip (considering traffic) away from most of them, I tend to just stay at home (there goes my fantasy). Until mid-August I met with two of my good friends since high school. We catch up and they were kidding me how I’m still “single since birth”. They suggested that I start to entertain textmates and I welcomed the idea. Little did I know that my friend actually took it seriously, the day after, somebody texted.
For six weeks, we text, talk and on few time he’s in Manila, we’d meet. I enjoyed conversing with him and felt connection. I saw in him the qualities I was looking for in a guy. Even if everything happened quite fast, I immediately embraced the idea that I might have found my Mr. Right. When I ran out of excuses not to blurt out my feelings, I finally said “I love you too”. It was not the ideal courtship; I don’t even think a courtship took place. But what can I do? I fell for him; he really knows how to get a girl’s heart. For a month, I was on bliss, so happy that everyone can see it in my face. It was a whirlwind of emotions; I feel loved and was insecure at the same time. I know how dispensable I am considering the girls who are willing to wait in line for him to entertain. Yes, it was an unhealthy relationship. Even from the start, I knew it won’t last but I liked the feeling so I took the risk. I was fooled and I allowed myself to be so. It was bound to end but I was hoping for a happy ending; we’d end it, hug it out and be friends afterwards. Unfortunately, it was the total opposite. Just after our first month, he was cold; he limited the non-stop texting to 2 texts a day for 3 days until I did not hear from him. He fell out of love that was my conclusion. My heart was already breaking because I know that my “happy ending” is impossible. Then came the dreaded day and it was in the guise of an FB private message. He ended it. I’m officially brokenhearted. I cried for days. The “falling out of love” was easier to accept but the change in the daily routine was a major adjustment for me. Things changed drastically. The first week was bearable because I was in the company of good friends who were staying with me then but when they left, I broke down. I tried to be strong but that time, I can’t help myself. I texted him, begging for an explanation. As expected, I did not hear from him. A lot happened the next 6 weeks. I almost thought we could be friends but I guess it was not really bound to happen. Definitely, I have to end it. End every connection with him. Forget that I actually knew him. Harsh, but that made things easier for me.
My heart was tired for many weeks and as I meet the New Year, I have to make the hard decision of walking away from the pain and memories of my first serious heartbreak. That experience taught me a lot of lessons. It has drawn me closer to God. My vulnerabilities were revealed. I felt how loved I am even in a “not romantic way”. I know God is making me a stronger woman through this.
I’ve been saying that I have moved on but actually I have not. I am still in the process of moving on. My story may sound funny to many. It was a very short relationship yet the moving on process took longer than the relationship itself. I’m just emotional and I do take things too seriously. However, I know that I’m in a much better position now than how I used to be. I am stronger. I am wiser. I learned the value of patience and good judgment the hard way.
It's been a while since I last posted. A lot of things happened the past two years that a day would not be enough for me to recall and write about it. Most definitely though i'll be sharing bits and pieces of those experiences from time to time (assuming someone is actually reading this!haha).
I originally planned to delete this account since I'm not able to maintain this but I got inspired again especially with the recent events in my life. I've always been known as someone who's really talkative that I want to believe I can make a career out of it.lol I have mentioned in my previous posts that I am an insecure writer and that I'd rather talk than write yet I know that if I want to be good, then I have to keep writing until I develop my own style and be confident with it.
One step at a time... new title I want for my blogsite. Why the title? I just realized that for the past years, I wanted to hurry with life. I wanted to live a fast paced life that I ended up being frustrated when things don't go my way. With my impatience, I rush into making decisions that turned out to be wrong. I used to have a pessimistic view in life as a defense mechanism, to spare me from hurt and pain because of my carelessness.I would hurry, I would run and refuse to enjoy the journey. My eyes are so focused on my goal that I fail to see the view along the way. "The journey is more important than the end" I aways hear people say that but it was only recently that I realize the value of that phrase.
I ended the year as a weakling and as I start the new year, I decided to change my outlook. God taught me valuable lessons and I'm gonna capitalized on that. This is the birth of new me, somebody who enjoys the view, who listens carefully and smells the good scent of God's amazing works. The new me is an optimistic person who takes each day one step at a time.
new things learned, few firsts and some thoughts...(a verly long post!)
0 comments by yanex at 6:51 AMi was in manila last wednesday and thursday. it was all unplanned but i have to go there to bring something important. i was amazed with how i experienced some "firsts"and learned a couple of things (some are trivial pero nakakatuwa ding isipin!)
1. pwedeng magkaJob oportunity kung mag-isang nagbabyahe
- the story: i was seated in the back part of the plane, mag-isa...as in no seatmate at nang nakapagtake-off na there were two professional looking businessmen who transferred on our row. ewan ko kung anong nakita ng isang iyon at biglang nakipag-usap. di naman ako kinabahan kasi mukhang desente naman talaga siya. he asked about my purpose of travel, where i'm working etc. eventually he introduced his business and gave me his calling card. he said that i could send my resume to him and if i have recommendable friends in the field of engineering, he would gladly take time to consider them for employment. (he's the owner of vercide enginering works based in Phividec area in Misamis)
*first time to be seated near the window!really nice view from up above!
" ano ang laman ng mga suitcases ng mga pilot at flight attendants at daladala talaga nila ito sa kanilang byahe?di ba nakauwi din naman sila sa kanilang mga bahay by the end of the day? wala ba silang locker sa airport?
2. walang seat/row 13 sa eroplano (PAL)
"bakit kaya?...malas?...at bago ko lang talaga na pansin yun ha
3. hindi lahat ng pizza sa mga restaurants ay masarap
-kumain kami sa isang resto sa MOA at hindi talaga ako nagdalawang isip umorder ng pizza kasi "specialty" daw nila yun pero ayun disappointed ako. sayang din yun pinagbayad, sana nag.greenwich na lang..haha
4. magdala palagi ng flipflops
-bestfriend ko na talaga tong flipflops kong to. more than a year na siya sa akin, overused but no signs of "wear and tear" kaya di na rin ako nagnhinayang sa presyo nito, sulit din talaga. nakasandals or shoes, palagi kong dala ang bestfriend kong to kaya kahit na buong araw kong libutin ang MOA, no worries.my havs is in my bag ready to rescue my dear feet!
*first time kong magDivisoria, buti na lang nakita namin kaagan ang tutuban. i was really hoping na sa 168 pumunta pero sumuko na talaga ang paa ko. enjoy din tumingin-tingin sa murang bags and dresses pero yun nga lang dahil sa dami ng pagpipilian at pagbabakasakaling baka may mas mura pa sa susunod na stall, wala akong masyadong nabili.isang bag at dress lang talaga.
5. uso na ang garden sa loob ng mall.
-dati pagandahan at pataasan ng fountains sa loob ng mall, ngayon it's all about bringing the nature inside.parang nagsimula ata sa greenbelt tapos sa gateway at ngayon meron din pala sa trinoma. first time ko makapunta sa trinoma at nagenjoy talaga kami ng pinsan ko sa minifalls at minigarden.
"mas malapit ang Ayala Center sa Trinoma kesa SM north! haha... supposedly next stop namin after tirnoma ang SM north kaso tinamad sa kalsadang kelangan pang tawirin kaya ayun, dumiritso na lang ng Ayala. thanks to the MRT, parang ang lapit lang ng lahat sa EDSA!
6. looking for corporate attire?wag ng maghanap sa iba, dumiretso na sa Ayala Center, preferably sa Landmark.
-ang daming mapagpipilian, from shoes to bags, pants to skirts, blouses and jackets...may mahal at meron ding mura. i don't know how true it is, pero every weekend daw ang sale dun...ang saya din kung ganun noh?...
*first time kong magStarbucks! i don't understand whta's the craze all about pero nakijoin na lang din ako, anyway libre din naman kasi. comment? mocha frapuccino ang inorder para sa akin, masarap siya, nag.enjoy din ako pero feeling ko talaga kaya ko ding tiisin na isave na lang yung pera ko at magenjoy sa nescafe 3 in 1. pero at least i can say na i've been to starbucks and i like there mocha frapuccino!hehe
7. kaya ang 30 minutes na byahe from Pasay to Molino, Bacoor.
-since nag.cocomute lang din kami (courtesy of the colorum vans) it would usually takes us 45 minutes to one hour to get to Pasay. it was past 9 in the evening ng umuwi ako, kaya medyo light na ang traffic kaya dire.deretso ang byahe. tsaka ko lang narealize na ang lapit na nga pala talaga ng Bacoor sa Manila.
(binasa ko ulit ang entry kong ito at na realize kong non-sense talaga...hehe sayang naman kung idelete ko lang. di ba?... basta ang point ko, if we're conscious enough and we allow ourself to notice and appreciate the little things, nakakatuwa din na balikbalikan ang memories lalo na kong naidentify mo kung saan ka nasiyahan. i've travelled to manila a couple of times but sa 2 day visit ko nato mas marami akong narealize. and i thank God even more for how he could show his goodness and greatness even thru this simple experiences.)
i love the high school musical 3!
i watched the movie today and i totally enjoyed it.super! i was a big fan of the first tv movie, not so much with the second and now that it's in the big screen, i super love it. i personally believe that everyone behind the movie really made sure that what we paid for is worth it. mega production talaga, from the choreagraphy to the set and props...astig talaga. i know there were mixed reviews but if you asked me, it's definitely my favorite of the three installments.enjoy din ang songs, very high school life.
i heart zac efron!
a guy who can sing and dance and not look gay, indeed a sexy thing.
grabe, parang habang tumatagal gumagwapo tong si zac.i was not really a fan of him at first (hindi siya yung typical gwapo for me) but when i saw his performance in Hairspray, i'm in awe. very talented and laidback, parang effortless talaga though minsan nagiging oa but still astig niya talaga. one of my favorite part of the movie is his performance with corbin in the junkyard and of course the opening scene- the game's final minutes. magaling kumanta at sumayaw na baskteball player...too good to be true na yan ha...i super love both troy bolton and zac efron!haha
"high school musical who said that we have to let it go... i want the rest of my life to be just like high school musical" - hahayz...parang mamimiss ko din ang grupong to. if ever there's a fourth installment, most likely special appearance lang siguro ang origincal cast. the movie introduced two new younger characters, giving us a hint that the storyline of the future HSM (if ever there will be) will revolve around them.
hahayz...high school musical... parang ang sarap balikan.ang high school life...
congratulations to all my dear friends who passed the exams:
Amera Marsangca! way to go bestfriend!
Kristine Argallon! everdearest idol!
Peterson Cheng! chinchan...astig gyud ka..
Harold Edralin! go harold!
Kareen Jane Guinayon! kring-kring...so happy for you kring
Lovely Macario! go lovely...
Joseph Mutia!davao ta seph?..hehe
Necel Oclarit! tatay, congrats!
congrats to all of you guys!
by the way...inaayos ko pa tong blogsite ko..hehe
i'm still trying to fix my blogsite...
i want to customize this myself and i'm still trying to figure out what it'll look like and how i'm gonna do it! hehe
peace! =)
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