one step at a time

moving on...

2011-01-19T17:29:00.000-08:00

Never give up. When your heart becomes tired, just walk with your legs - but move on.

– Paulo Coelho

Let me share a little of a very personal experience that I consider as one of the major turning points in my life. Heart issues and more…

For many years, I’ve kept my heart guarded. I tried to open it up once and I had my first share of heartbreak. No, he was not my first boyfriend but I consider him my first love. It took me years before I was able to say I’m all ok. The difficulty was due to the fact that we started out as good friends, for a time we consider each other as bestfriends. It was hard so I decided to take on the defensive side, not entertaining anyone until the time I know that I am actually and really ready.

Just last year, I started living alone. I went to Manila to start my climb in the corporate ladder. Though it was not my first time away from home, it was different. I don’t have the company of my dependable friends, I cannot just go home anytime I want, simply said…I’m bracing myself for a bitter taste of life (that was how the pessimistic me would describe it that time). To beat loneliness I rummage through my phonebook, search FB and asked friends for contacts and exact location of friends who I might get in touch and meet regularly. Being a fan of FRIENDS, How I met your mother and Sex & the City, I wanted to have my own circle of friends as I try to survive the concrete jungle of Makati. Thank God he blessed me with amazing friends but since my house is normally an hour trip (considering traffic) away from most of them, I tend to just stay at home (there goes my fantasy). Until mid-August I met with two of my good friends since high school. We catch up and they were kidding me how I’m still “single since birth”. They suggested that I start to entertain textmates and I welcomed the idea. Little did I know that my friend actually took it seriously, the day after, somebody texted.

For six weeks, we text, talk and on few time he’s in Manila, we’d meet. I enjoyed conversing with him and felt connection. I saw in him the qualities I was looking for in a guy. Even if everything happened quite fast, I immediately embraced the idea that I might have found my Mr. Right. When I ran out of excuses not to blurt out my feelings, I finally said “I love you too”. It was not the ideal courtship; I don’t even think a courtship took place. But what can I do? I fell for him; he really knows how to get a girl’s heart. For a month, I was on bliss, so happy that everyone can see it in my face. It was a whirlwind of emotions; I feel loved and was insecure at the same time. I know how dispensable I am considering the girls who are willing to wait in line for him to entertain. Yes, it was an unhealthy relationship. Even from the start, I knew it won’t last but I liked the feeling so I took the risk. I was fooled and I allowed myself to be so. It was bound to end but I was hoping for a happy ending; we’d end it, hug it out and be friends afterwards. Unfortunately, it was the total opposite. Just after our first month, he was cold; he limited the non-stop texting to 2 texts a day for 3 days until I did not hear from him. He fell out of love that was my conclusion. My heart was already breaking because I know that my “happy ending” is impossible. Then came the dreaded day and it was in the guise of an FB private message. He ended it. I’m officially brokenhearted. I cried for days. The “falling out of love” was easier to accept but the change in the daily routine was a major adjustment for me. Things changed drastically. The first week was bearable because I was in the company of good friends who were staying with me then but when they left, I broke down. I tried to be strong but that time, I can’t help myself. I texted him, begging for an explanation. As expected, I did not hear from him. A lot happened the next 6 weeks. I almost thought we could be friends but I guess it was not really bound to happen. Definitely, I have to end it. End every connection with him. Forget that I actually knew him. Harsh, but that made things easier for me.

My heart was tired for many weeks and as I meet the New Year, I have to make the hard decision of walking away from the pain and memories of my first serious heartbreak. That experience taught me a lot of lessons. It has drawn me closer to God. My vulnerabilities were revealed. I felt how loved I am even in a “not romantic way”. I know God is making me a stronger woman through this.

I’ve been saying that I have moved on but actually I have not. I am still in the process of moving on. My story may sound funny to many. It was a very short relationship yet the moving on process took longer than the relationship itself. I’m just emotional and I do take things too seriously. However, I know that I’m in a much better position now than how I used to be. I am stronger. I am wiser. I learned the value of patience and good judgment the hard way.

one step at a time...

2011-01-16T22:55:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I last posted. A lot of things happened the past two years that a day would not be enough for me to recall and write about it. Most definitely though i'll be sharing bits and pieces of those experiences from time to time (assuming someone is actually reading this!haha).

I originally planned to delete this account since I'm not able to maintain this but I got inspired again especially with the recent events in my life. I've always been known as someone who's really talkative that I want to believe I can make a career out of it.lol I have mentioned in my previous posts that I am an insecure writer and that I'd rather talk than write yet I know that if I want to be good, then I have to keep writing until I develop my own style and be confident with it.

One step at a time... new title I want for my blogsite. Why the title? I just realized that for the past years, I wanted to hurry with life. I wanted to live a fast paced life that I ended up being frustrated when things don't go my way. With my impatience, I rush into making decisions that turned out to be wrong. I used to have a pessimistic view in life as a defense mechanism, to spare me from hurt and pain because of my carelessness.I would hurry, I would run and refuse to enjoy the journey. My eyes are so focused on my goal that I fail to see the view along the way. "The journey is more important than the end" I aways hear people say that but it was only recently that I realize the value of that phrase.

I ended the year as a weakling and as I start the new year, I decided to change my outlook. God taught me valuable lessons and I'm gonna capitalized on that. This is the birth of new me, somebody who enjoys the view, who listens carefully and smells the good scent of God's amazing works. The new me is an optimistic person who takes each day one step at a time.

my blog

2008-11-15T20:10:00.000-08:00

i'm not a good writer but i think and talk a lot. i do want to improve my writing skills thus i started blogging using blogger. if you feel like reading my nonsense entries, proceed... i do hope though that i get to share something worthwhile... =)

new things learned, few firsts and some thoughts...(a verly long post!)

2008-10-26T06:51:00.000-07:00

i was in manila last wednesday and thursday. it was all unplanned but i have to go there to bring something important. i was amazed with how i experienced some "firsts"and learned a couple of things (some are trivial pero nakakatuwa ding isipin!)

1. pwedeng magkaJob oportunity kung mag-isang nagbabyahe

- the story: i was seated in the back part of the plane, mag-isa...as in no seatmate at nang nakapagtake-off na there were two professional looking businessmen who transferred on our row. ewan ko kung anong nakita ng isang iyon at biglang nakipag-usap. di naman ako kinabahan kasi mukhang desente naman talaga siya. he asked about my purpose of travel, where i'm working etc. eventually he introduced his business and gave me his calling card. he said that i could send my resume to him and if i have recommendable friends in the field of engineering, he would gladly take time to consider them for employment. (he's the owner of vercide enginering works based in Phividec area in Misamis)

*first time to be seated near the window!really nice view from up above!

" ano ang laman ng mga suitcases ng mga pilot at flight attendants at daladala talaga nila ito sa kanilang byahe?di ba nakauwi din naman sila sa kanilang mga bahay by the end of the day? wala ba silang locker sa airport?

2. walang seat/row 13 sa eroplano (PAL)

"bakit kaya?...malas?...at bago ko lang talaga na pansin yun ha

3. hindi lahat ng pizza sa mga restaurants ay masarap

-kumain kami sa isang resto sa MOA at hindi talaga ako nagdalawang isip umorder ng pizza kasi "specialty" daw nila yun pero ayun disappointed ako. sayang din yun pinagbayad, sana nag.greenwich na lang..haha

4. magdala palagi ng flipflops

-bestfriend ko na talaga tong flipflops kong to. more than a year na siya sa akin, overused but no signs of "wear and tear" kaya di na rin ako nagnhinayang sa presyo nito, sulit din talaga. nakasandals or shoes, palagi kong dala ang bestfriend kong to kaya kahit na buong araw kong libutin ang MOA, no worries.my havs is in my bag ready to rescue my dear feet!

*first time kong magDivisoria, buti na lang nakita namin kaagan ang tutuban. i was really hoping na sa 168 pumunta pero sumuko na talaga ang paa ko. enjoy din tumingin-tingin sa murang bags and dresses pero yun nga lang dahil sa dami ng pagpipilian at pagbabakasakaling baka may mas mura pa sa susunod na stall, wala akong masyadong nabili.isang bag at dress lang talaga.

5. uso na ang garden sa loob ng mall.

-dati pagandahan at pataasan ng fountains sa loob ng mall, ngayon it's all about bringing the nature inside.parang nagsimula ata sa greenbelt tapos sa gateway at ngayon meron din pala sa trinoma. first time ko makapunta sa trinoma at nagenjoy talaga kami ng pinsan ko sa minifalls at minigarden.

"mas malapit ang Ayala Center sa Trinoma kesa SM north! haha... supposedly next stop namin after tirnoma ang SM north kaso tinamad sa kalsadang kelangan pang tawirin kaya ayun, dumiritso na lang ng Ayala. thanks to the MRT, parang ang lapit lang ng lahat sa EDSA!

6. looking for corporate attire?wag ng maghanap sa iba, dumiretso na sa Ayala Center, preferably sa Landmark.

-ang daming mapagpipilian, from shoes to bags, pants to skirts, blouses and jackets...may mahal at meron ding mura. i don't know how true it is, pero every weekend daw ang sale dun...ang saya din kung ganun noh?...

*first time kong magStarbucks! i don't understand whta's the craze all about pero nakijoin na lang din ako, anyway libre din naman kasi. comment? mocha frapuccino ang inorder para sa akin, masarap siya, nag.enjoy din ako pero feeling ko talaga kaya ko ding tiisin na isave na lang yung pera ko at magenjoy sa nescafe 3 in 1. pero at least i can say na i've been to starbucks and i like there mocha frapuccino!hehe

7. kaya ang 30 minutes na byahe from Pasay to Molino, Bacoor.

-since nag.cocomute lang din kami (courtesy of the colorum vans) it would usually takes us 45 minutes to one hour to get to Pasay. it was past 9 in the evening ng umuwi ako, kaya medyo light na ang traffic kaya dire.deretso ang byahe. tsaka ko lang narealize na ang lapit na nga pala talaga ng Bacoor sa Manila.

(binasa ko ulit ang entry kong ito at na realize kong non-sense talaga...hehe sayang naman kung idelete ko lang. di ba?... basta ang point ko, if we're conscious enough and we allow ourself to notice and appreciate the little things, nakakatuwa din na balikbalikan ang memories lalo na kong naidentify mo kung saan ka nasiyahan. i've travelled to manila a couple of times but sa 2 day visit ko nato mas marami akong narealize. and i thank God even more for how he could show his goodness and greatness even thru this simple experiences.)

all about hsm3

2008-10-24T05:17:00.000-07:00

i love the high school musical 3!

i watched the movie today and i totally enjoyed it.super! i was a big fan of the first tv movie, not so much with the second and now that it's in the big screen, i super love it. i personally believe that everyone behind the movie really made sure that what we paid for is worth it. mega production talaga, from the choreagraphy to the set and props...astig talaga. i know there were mixed reviews but if you asked me, it's definitely my favorite of the three installments.enjoy din ang songs, very high school life.

i heart zac efron!

a guy who can sing and dance and not look gay, indeed a sexy thing.

grabe, parang habang tumatagal gumagwapo tong si zac.i was not really a fan of him at first (hindi siya yung typical gwapo for me) but when i saw his performance in Hairspray, i'm in awe. very talented and laidback, parang effortless talaga though minsan nagiging oa but still astig niya talaga. one of my favorite part of the movie is his performance with corbin in the junkyard and of course the opening scene- the game's final minutes. magaling kumanta at sumayaw na baskteball player...too good to be true na yan ha...i super love both troy bolton and zac efron!haha

"high school musical who said that we have to let it go... i want the rest of my life to be just like high school musical" - hahayz...parang mamimiss ko din ang grupong to. if ever there's a fourth installment, most likely special appearance lang siguro ang origincal cast. the movie introduced two new younger characters, giving us a hint that the storyline of the future HSM (if ever there will be) will revolve around them.

hahayz...high school musical... parang ang sarap balikan.ang high school life...

watch it... you might like too... =)

congratulations to the new CPAs!

2008-10-20T03:08:00.000-07:00

congratulations to all my dear friends who passed the exams:
Amera Marsangca! way to go bestfriend!
Kristine Argallon! everdearest idol!
Peterson Cheng! chinchan...astig gyud ka..
Harold Edralin! go harold!
Kareen Jane Guinayon! kring-kring...so happy for you kring
Lovely Macario! go lovely...
Joseph Mutia!davao ta seph?..hehe
Necel Oclarit! tatay, congrats!

congrats to all of you guys!

by the way...inaayos ko pa tong blogsite ko..hehe

under repair...

2008-10-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

i'm still trying to fix my blogsite...
i want to customize this myself and i'm still trying to figure out what it'll look like and how i'm gonna do it! hehe

peace! =)

revertigo

2008-10-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

as you all know i super love How i met your mother... super nakakatawa at ang storyline and themes ng mga episodes ay relatable. for sure, you can expect me to write a lot about this show. anyways, i was watching the season three last night when there was this episode entitled "guilty pleasure" and they mentioned the term "revertigo" which according to Marshall means "when you're around someone from your past, you revert back to who you were when you knew them". i realized na i have the tendency to be like that. may it be with family or friends, there are really certain times when i'm with them that i tend to be and act as the person they used to know even if i have changed (kahit good and for the better na change). alam mu yung feeling na the moment you are with them you suddenly act the same way you do when you first knew them. like when i'm around high school friends, suddenly i'm like in high school who loves to laugh and sometimes melodramatic and when i'm with my college friends, what they see is the serious version of me. i don't know if i'm violating the "be true to yourself" attitude but it's something i can't deny. i was thinking of the possible reasons why this happens to me and the only one i can find is maybe because I don't want them to feel that ive changed. i want them to feel and know that i am still the same old person that they had fun with. and that if i act differently, they would also do in return. or maybe i just enjoy reverting.
how about you...have you experienced revertigo?=)

i love hayley westenra!

2008-10-12T07:47:00.000-07:00

i was cleaning our room when i found this dvd of hayley's concert in NZ and i can't help myself but fall for her voice. gosh...i have goosebumps everytime i hear her sing. very angelic, sweet and so pleasing to the ears. check this video of hers and tell me what you think...

rants...

2008-10-09T04:46:00.000-07:00

urgh... I hate hearing christmas songs with themes about their "love ones" (read:lovers,patners,boy/girlfriends)!

two more months to go and it's christmas time thus it's not that surprising to hear christmas songs being played eveywhere. but this afternoon, while i was riding the jeep going to the city, i hear five consecutive christmas songs that is more of a love song than "the birth of Christ" song. it doesn't really bother me before but now, i'm starting to react negatively. you see, i'm more of a "lyrics kind of listener". i love the song not because of the music (or melody is it?!hehe), or the voice of the singer but because of the lyrics. if i like the lyrics then i like the song. if the music and the singer is good, then the song will be included in my playlist. (i'm getting out of topic already...) anyways about those christmas songs, what happened to Christmas being a "happy holidays" if all what we're hearing are sad love songs?!...

pasko na sinta ko, hanap-hanap kita...

kung mawawala ka, sa piling ko, sinta

paano nag pasko....

last christmas, i gave you my heart

but the very next day,you gave it away...

pasko na naman, ngunit wala ka pa

hanggang kailan pa kaya ako maghihintay sayo..

imagine hearing these songs one after another...won't it let you think of sad things...aw...

i'm not really the type who gets so excited for Christmas since i'm not yet working (no bonuses and 13th month pay to look forward), i'm not a student anymore (no chistmas vacations to look forward) and i'm just staying at home so it's all the same for me. i'm not even expecting to receive gifts from anyone but if someone would be generous enough to make me feel special then i'd be more than willing to accept it (aw..nagpaparinig!haha) and worse, i don't have that certain special someone to celebrate a mushy christmas with. (this is probably why i'm ranting! now i'm asking myself!haha) seriuosly, i just don't like the idea that the world's celebration of "Christ Birth" is tainted with sad love stories. though i still believe that we ought to make everyday a celebration of Christ's birth, i myself cannot deny the energy surrounding all of us when december comes. and if we continue to listen or if we constantly hear sad stories in a christmas songs do you think it would not affect our feelings about christmas? (in my case it does)

by the way...i'm just ranting! aw..

laugh out loud!

2008-10-08T03:55:00.000-07:00

I love F.R.I.E.N.D.S and How I met your mother! - my top two favorite sitcoms and tv barkada of all time. these are the shows that no matter how many times i watch and hear the jokes...i can't help but laugh out so loud. the best stress reliever for me! both shows was able to pick out the perfect cast to play the characters and of course every episode is very well written (kudos to the writers...i wish i have their talent).

but what i like about these shows is how they incorporate reality specifically the journey of adults in the real world and how a company of great friends can be of big help. there are even times i fantasized that i'm part of their group...hanging out, laughing, joking...knowing that if you reach the lowest point of your life a group of really good friends will be there to help you get through. i did experience this when i was still a student- you know the constant presence of really good friends but eversince i've graduated and stayed here at home i just kinda miss all of it (hence i'm enjoying the company of my new found friends...books, internet, dvd and tv!)

if God would grant me three talents, i would definitely ask for a 1)good singing voice 2) a talent in drawing and 3)the ability to pull off a joke (i'm really lousy in making people laugh..huhu). that is why i love to surround myself with friends who are not only funny but those who know me too well that they won't expect a joke from me.

by the way, did you know that there different types of verball and written humor? let me share what i found...

adivser - the comic adviser gives uncalled for advise in a punch prototype

anecdotes - any interesting event, either having to do with a celebrity or something smaller, that helps the humorist make a point. great for speakers and writers

aside - a thought added as if something the speaker was saying reminded him of it

banter - godd-natured teasing back and forth; exchange of witty remarks

blendword - blending of two word to make a new word

blue humor - not appropriate for the public speaker, based on easily offensive subjects

blunder - wit based on a person who makes a mistake, which them appear foolish

bull - a humurous statement that is based on an outrageous contradiction

burlesque - form of satire, ridicules any basic style of speech or writing

caricature - exaggeration of a person's mental, physical or personality traits, in wisecrack form

the catch tale - a funny story that messes up the reader or listener by implying an awful ending but then stopping with a small declaration

conundrum - a word puzzle that can't be solved because the answer is a pun

epigram - clever, short saying about a general group, mostly satire about mankind

exaggerism - an exaggerated witticism that overstates the feature, defects, or the strangeness of something

freudian slip - funny statement which seems to just pop out, but which actually comes from the person's subconscious thoughts

hyperbole - extreme exaggeration

irony - leading part of humor. irony is using words to express something completely different from the literal meaning

joke - short story ending with a funny climactic twist

nonsensism - inclusive of the epigram and the wisecrack, it is any kind of funny nonsense in speaking form. includes all kinds of absurdity without the realistic logic and makes a general observation of absurd reference.

parody - humurous version of any well-known writing

practical joke - joke put into action

recovery - combination of blunder and wit, where a person makes an error, and then saves himself with a fast correction

repartee - includes clever replies and retorts, most common form is insult

satire - wit that is critical humor, sarcasm that makes fun of something

situational humor - comedy that comes from your own life

switching - common form is changing the main parts of the story such as the setup or the punch line and creating a new joke

understatement - making something that is regular or large seem extremely smaller or less.

wisecrack - any clever about a particular person or thing

wit - humor, irony, sarcasm, satire, repartee. funny because of the sudden sharpness and quick perception

...something new to learn about...if only all these can be easily learned.tsk.tsk

when friends grow up...

2008-10-05T23:39:00.001-07:00

Wednesday noon, I received an unexpected call from someone who sounds very familiar – it was Aaron, my used-to-be regular caller and one of my best friends in high school…

Yan: Kuya aa! Himala…kamusta?...
Aaron: Invite unta taka yan sa bday sa akong anak….

…time flies so fast…memories of my high school life is still so clear in my mind and that one call from kuya aa made me realize how things have changed big time! I can’t believe how situations have changed since the day I left high school. Some are married, some have their own kids, some are hurrying up to go and find greener pastures…gone are the days when all we’re worried about is the deadline of the research, the math quiz, the answers to the advance chem exam, the group projects in science, dance presentations for PE…gone are the days when “slipper game-turned SG tournament is the highlight of our day…gone are the days when we don’t really have to worry about life and future…gone are the simple days when we can simply be kids anytime we want.

Friday:
I met with jaylyn so we could find a gift for aaron’s baby and eventually go to the party together. We were in Trendline looking for the best gift that hopefully the parents would like (lol), going to the counter we saw Ella, looking like an executive with her company uniform while giving instructions to the cashier…

Jaylyn: ella…abas (that gay linggo again)
Executive look gyud…
Yan: wow, ella…sosyal! Maulaw man sad mi nimu oi…
(chat.chat.chat…-we told her that we’re looking for a gift)
Jaylyn: discount dayon madam
Yan: bitaw ell
Ella: (pointing to the cashier) tagai sila discount, ingna sa ako lang…

Wow…someone who used to be meek in the class is now giving instructions like she owns the place (so happy for you ell!)

On our way to the party venue, jaylyn and I talked about her job and how our friends have grown much over the years. Jaylyn was the first friend I had in high school. I got close to her because we like the same things…the color yellow, the sunshine colgne and some tv shows. Even with time and distance separating us, it still surprises me how every time we get to see each other I never run out of things to tell her and that even if we have changed, there are still things that connect us (it was the color yellow that started our friendship, and now it’s our love for the shade of purple/lavender that would probably continue to bind us!haha). We realized how people have grown so much. How a lot of lives have changed over the pat five years. Every get together, the topics would either be jobs, who got married, who’s with who, where is he/she…though there are still the occasional “kulitan” (one thing that I hope would not changed)…everyone has indeed gone to different directions. It makes me think, how much of me is still the same and how much is different?...Have I grown? (in height and in wisdom..lol)…

I have always been scared with changes, it’s always a challenge for me to accept change but seeing my friends and how happy most of them are with the changes and the growth they’re experiencing in their lives…then I guess it’s a testimony that changes can be good and that I should deal with it positively. I just hope that the friendship we all planted and nurtured for four years in ct hi will continue to grow. (corny…hehe but I mean it!) =)

Miss you all pips…SG na pud!

it's october again

2008-10-01T04:50:00.000-07:00

it's october again
leaves are coming down
one more year's come and gone
and nothing's changed at all
wasn't i suppose to be someone
who can face the things that i've been running from

let me feel
i don't care if break down
let me fall
even if i hit the ground
and if i
cry a little
die a little
at least i know i lived, just a little...

i've become much too good at being invincible
i'm an expert at keep it safe and keep it cool
but i swear, this isn't who i'm meant to be
i refused to let my life roll all over me
- bathany joy lenz

it's the first day of october again...three more months to go and we'll celebrate the new year.

how was your first 9 months of 2008?

i'm not the type of person makes "my list of new year's resolution" and religiously follow them all but i think of things that i wanna do for the coming year. i believe it is innate for us to desire for improvements... to better ourselves... to find our purpose and somehow fulfill them. for this year, i believe i did achieved some of them; i finished my undergraduate degree (hopefully i can enroll for graduate school this coming semester), i'm starting again to take part in church activities and hopefully find my ministry. but still it's not enough.

i know i'm destined to continually think big, do more and be better. i'm fully aware that God gave me knowledge and wisdom because He's simply generous, because He wants to use me and because He needs His army in advancing His kingdom. same goes for everyone else, God gave us talents to be used, we all have potentials waiting to be unleashed however if we let the demons within (insecurities, pride, self-pity...etc) beat us then the world will just continue to turn while we rot with all out potentials locked within us. sayang di ba?!

life is too short to waste...there is so much we can learn and do with it. if being scared is the reason why we don't move forward then it's not worth it. why be afraid of rejection? of failure?... these are just small things compared to what good things we can experience in this life. and besides, if God is with us...we are rest assured that we are taken care of...right?

the comet

2008-09-29T09:47:00.003-07:00

the boy saw the comet
it was more than just a comet,
because of what it brought to his life
direction.
beauty.
meaning.
there were many who didn't understand,
and sometimes he walked among them,
but even in his darkest hours
he knew in his heart
that someday it would return to him.
and his world will be whole again,
his belief in love,
in art,
and God
would be reawakened in his heart.
- Lucas Scott

what a lovestory...
i wonder if i could be "the comet" to someone else's life...
how about you?...are you "the comet" or "the boy waiting patiently for the comet"?

what looks good on you

2008-09-22T08:24:00.000-07:00

just want to share the lyrics of one of my favorite songs entitled Praise Looks Good on You by Don Moen

(...the message of the song is super nice)

When you lift Your hands up high
And you sing a song of praise to Me
It brings Me great delight
Such a lovely sight
And yes it is true
Praise looks good on You
Morning night and noon
Your praise ascends to heaven
Like the smell sweet perfume
Filling every room
And yes it is true
Praise looks good on You

You bring your sacrifices
And you offer up your praise
You lift your voice with singing
But your heart seems far away
More than a sacrifice
I am looking for your life
Holy and acceptable
And pleasing in my sight

So offer up your lives
Holy and acceptable
A willing sacrifice
Precious in my sight
But in all that you do
Remember all I want is You

So lift your hands up high
And worship Him before the altar
Consecrate your life
A willing sacrifice
But in all that you do
Remember all He wants is You
And yes it is true
Praise looks good on you

ASK: Ask, Seek, Knock

2008-09-21T07:22:00.000-07:00

Seek, and ye shall find

- Luke 11

We had our Bible study last night and we tackled about The Next Best Thing to Do by Oswald Chambers. I learned a lot from it so I thought it would be great to share it here…

We’re all familiar of the verse above, right?!... seek and you shall find, ask and it will be given to you…phrases we commonly hear and read, encouraging us to keep our faith and confidence because God will provide what our heart desires. We make a lot of requests to God; sometimes 80% of our prayer is all about asking Him for something. However not at all times (we think) our prayers are answered, sometimes we even feel that God failed us... that maybe he doesn’t hear us anymore but that is not the case. He loves us so much that like a parent, we experience tough love from Him because He knows what’s best for us.

“ye ask, & received not, because ye ask amiss”

- Sometimes we don’t get what we prayed for because we ask for something wrong. What happens is that sometimes we ask for things from life instead of from God. We keep on asking… that we don’t notice we’re already being indulgent, selfish and we desire for things of this world instead of Him. We long for self realization and the more we satisfy ourselves, we seek less of Him. God is the greatest giver but He is also very careful in spoiling us with his blessings because He knows what’s best for us!

“seek, and ye shall find”

- Maybe merely asking Him is not enough. Maybe it’s time that we draw more closely to Him to hear Him more. Maybe it’s about time to look for Him, to never stop looking until we find Him. Maybe it’s about time that we desire to be with Him not because we just need to but because we want to. Even God needs our “paglalambing”. He wants us to thirst for Him, to continue thirsting for Him... He wants us to build our faith not on experience but by our desire to want more of Him. Anyway, having an intimate relationship with Him is what’s best for us!

“knock and it shall be opened unto you”

- Knocking His door is probably the most humbling experience that we could ever have. We asked and he did not answered, we looked for Him but we couldn’t find Him instead what we stumbled upon is a closed door. A closed door that is telling we should put everything down and knock so hard so the door will be opened to us. It’s about time we should look into ourselves; purify our heart for we could be carrying a baggage that slows us down in developing our relationship with God. God wants us to knock so hard because he wanted to see how we long for Him, how we miss Him…He wants us to do this because He wants more of us and He wanted to see how far we would go just to be with Him. Anyway, life is not just about living in this world, it’s living for God! Right!?!

my oth diary!

2008-09-19T21:48:00.000-07:00

I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

The theme song of my life…

Calling me a One Tree Hill Fanatic is an understatement. Man, I live for the show! (nah, this would be an overstatement) Ask my college friends and they will tell you how crazy I am about this show.

Since its first airing, the show did not get the same attention The OC or Gossip Girls have. It was not a critic’s favorite but what kept them stay on air? (the show’s on its sixth season now) the loyal fan base and I’m proud to say that I’m one of them! These are the fans that get the message of the show. If you give this show a chance, you might be surprised to see a part of yourself in one of the characters.

I got hooked to this show because I thought it’s about basketball and of course the expected typical storyline for teenage drama (for more details, check onetreehillfans.com or onetreehillweb.net) but it’s more than that. It’s about friendship, life, love, dreaming big and achieving it, finding your purpose, conquering the obstacles, learning lessons from even the simplest situations and many more. There is always something in every episode that I can relate to, that can make me think and evaluate myself, something that I can learn from. From the lives of the characters, to the voiceovers (usually quoted lines from famous books), to the music being played or even in their simple conversations- there’s always something that would make me push the pause button and ponder about it.

The first 4 seasons deal with the high school lives of the characters, the stage when there’s so much angst & raging hormones, when they’re trying to find their way in this world, when they start to find out that life’s not just about the superficial things (yes, they went through all this in their high school, at least in the fictional world of Tree Hill). It’s simply about finding one’s self, one’s identity.

When I was in high school, everything was perfect. I seemed so sure about myself, what I want and where I’m going to but everything changed when I was in college. Instead of moving forward, I was stepping backward. All of a sudden I felt like I don’t know myself and what I want. I became melodramatic. I was lost! It was just good that God always provide people who are willing to stay by my side and help me through. Naks! Shout out to ASL and mandy!hehe

I can’t say that at this point of my life, I finally found myself. Guess it will always be a quest but if you surrender it all to God, then you’ll find rest in knowing that you’re in good hands. Adding the presence of supportive family, couple of good friends, guidance from His word, a music in the background and a favorite tv show for inspiration won’t hurt…right?!

(by the way, expect me to write a lot about one tree hill!0

crazy little thing called "kilig"

2008-09-18T02:13:00.000-07:00

i saw my crush today! *kilig*

i feel like a teenager having my dear diary moment. why not, this is just the fourth time i've seen him since i met him.

1st: may 2004, summer youth camp

2nd: april 2005, church anniversary

3rd: august 2008, at his work

4th: september 2008, his work again

...Yes,i keep track of the times when i experience "butterflies in the stomach in a frenzy" - at keast this is how i can best describe the kind of "kilig" i feel in certain situations like seeing this crush of mine.

i know it's kind of crazy but this is me...sometimes i even find myself weird. if there's one thing i'm sure about myself, it would definitely be the freedom i give myself to express my thoughts and emotions. it could be by sharing to another person, by talking to myself, by writing it in any paper i find at the moment and now by blogging. anyhow, allow me to share the feeling...

i first met "crush" during a summer camp and it was a "like at first sight". i don't think he even remembers me but i don't care as long as i know there's someone who can make my heart skip a beat. i really don't know much about him except that he has a really good voice and he's a matured christian though i would bet that he's also a really good person. =)

when i saw him last month, my jaw literally dropped. i was surprised to see him again and feel that *kilig* again. not more than a month after, i saw him again and you guessed it right *kilig* again.

crazy right!? nothing really special happened but i'm feeling like someone being proposed to. i wonder what would happen if he smiled at me or talked to me!?!...will i faint? will i be able to smile back? will be able to talk back? or will i just make a fool of myself?...

now i ask myself, is it normal for girls to feel this way?...and at my age, am i being immature?...

i'm a member of the NBSB society, a single since birth for 22 years thus if you ask, have i ever been in love in a romantic way?...not yet. i tried to open up my heart but i ended up hurting myself so to spare my delicate heart, i decided to close it and wait until the time God will finally reveal my Mr. Right.

yes, im a believer of desitny, of God's will and of soulmates. i believe that courtship is the best way to get to know other person.(way to go Joshua Harris!) i can even be the poster image of a modern daagang filipina except that i talk a lot.lol nah...let's just say that i'm an idealist when it comes to the matters of the heart. but it doesn't mean i'm manhid...of course like everyone else i'm capable of liking, admiring and being infatuated with the oppsoite sex. i just know my limitations and i try my best to control my emotions. anyway i'm not in a huury naman to find my life partner.

with regards to "crush" i'm not in any way expecting that we'd be friends or for anything to happen. in a way i'm pleased that at least i'm still capable of feeling all *kilig* over someone else. and what's great about this..for the first time i was able to keep his identity all to myself...more reason to enjoy the *kilig*. (yup ganito ako kababaw!haha)...basta right now i'm just contented with the * kilig* (even if i appear silly)

Tribu UP

2008-09-08T10:32:00.000-07:00

Unibersidad ng Pilipinas
Unibersidad ng Pilipinas
Matatapang, Matatalino
Walang takot, Kahit kanino
Di kami magpapahuli
Ganyan kaming mga taga.UP!

I can still clearly remember the goosebumps I had when the UP Maroon cheers were taught to us by the Pep Squad during our Freshmen Orientation and more than five years later, I can't believe that I felt it again. For many years, the UP Pep Squad set the standards in cheerleading that only they themselves can surpass. Every year, they never fail to surprise the audience with new moves, unique routine and a theme that only the bright minds can conceptualize. This year, UP Pep Squad opt to ethnic hence the Tribu UP. It was just so good to watch them from being like an eagle to seing OBLE in the finale. They don't even have to make use of the latest hits and popular songs for their music to get the crowd going. Even us watching at home can't help but stand up in awe of their performance. The UP Pep Squad is indeed the pride of the UP Maroons in the UAAP. Even if I did not finish my studies in UP, I can't help myself but feel so proud of my supposedly alma mater. Guess I will always be the Maroon Blooded Atenean.
GO UP!

my first entry

2008-09-05T03:03:00.000-07:00

“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death”
- Albert Einstein

Finally, I have my own blog account. Thanks to our very persistent emc class president "downloader" who would not give up until we make one. Actually I've been planning to make one
since last year but I guess I was just too busy then and with a mind like mine (who likes to complicate things a lot) I thought one should be very good in writing or at least should have flawless English in order to start one. But what the heck...who cares if I'm not good, right?! as long as I'd be able to express myself and share my thoughts. I love to think, ponder and make my own opinion and if I keep it all to myself, I will not only turn selfish but I might end up in a mental institution.lol Seriously, it's about time that we give back to this world. Pay it forward. Yes, even in this cyberworld we can do this. Blogs have been very helpful to me throughout my college life. I get a lot of ideas and resource materials from helpful people who loves to post what they believe could help readers like me. Hopefully I'd be able to do the same to others. Bow...Thank you! And besides we need to stimulate our intellectual capacities once in a while. We usually hear...life is a constant learning process but if we're not conscious of it, if we're not willing to entertain the lessons to be learned then it will all just be mere experiences. Now you're asking what's my point?...well it's like this...when we blog ( or at least in my case), we think of things to post, something sensible , something we could share or something that will allow us to express ourselves and we don't simply do it by just saying anything..right?! we think...we extract our creative juices...and during the process we'll just realize that we learn something new. Personally, it doesn't really matter if people don't read my entries or give me good comments... this is simply just my way of expressing myself (again)...who knows...a stranger might stumble, read my very humble writing and who knows he could learn from me or he could relate with what Im going through.